Warped Space

Warped Space 1: NASA hides what they're doing by telling everybody

Most conspiracy theories are pretty dumb, but some are plainly dumber than others. Here's one that came up in response to the news that NASA is having problems locating the original slow-scan videotapes of the Apollo missions: on a site called Allergic Reality¹, some goon wonders out loud what's on the tapes that NASA doesn't want us to see.

Here's a clue: Nothing, you dope. Nobody's been bothered about these tapes for over thirty years, and we wouldn't have even known about them if NASA hadn't said they were trying to find them. If there was something on them they didn't want seen, all they had to do was burn them and not say anything.

¹It may be that this site deliberately picked a name close to Augmented Reality™ in an attempt to confuse the public. I think we should be told...

Warped Space 2: Welcome to the Dwarf Planet Mickey Mouse

In the wake of yesterday's decision about the definition of the word "planet" comes another problem for the IAU. It turns out that with more trans-Neptunian objects (TNOs) being discovered all the time (Wikipedia lists over 100 found since 1992), and at least a dozen of these being big enough to possibly be classified as Dwarf Planets, we don't have enough names for them all.

Seven of the nine eight planets (the exception being Earth) are named after Roman deities. Ceres and Pluto also get Roman names because at the time they were named, they were classed as planets. This scheme can't be extended to include Dwarf Planets because there aren't enough Roman deities to go round.

So an idea has come up from Stephen Maran, author of "Astronomy for Dummies": Sell the names to the highest bidder and use the money for education and science programs around the world.

While I applaud the idea of using the money for education, I can't help but have a nagging doubt. What would happen if...

• ... The Disney Company bought up a Dwarf Planet and called it "Mickey Mouse"? Would that give them the right to rename Pluto as "Pluto™ - a Disney Planet"?


• ... Sun Microsystems named a Dwarf Planet "Sun"?


• ... Cadbury's bought three and called them "Mars", "Galaxy" and "Milky Way"?


• ... and if Earth Shoe got in on the act, that would really confuse things.

Personally I think we need to think up some new names instead of recycling old ones. After all, when the Romans named Mars, what did they name it after? Nothing - they thought the name up from scratch. We should get a little imagination and think up our own. I hereby propose that 2003UB₃₁₃ be henceforth known as "Drophfenjoter".

Update: I mentioned in an earlier post that the new "planet" definition might still be revised because of a certain amount of disagreement between astronomers. There's more about this today on New Scientist's Space Page.